I remember being in high school and hearing most other kids talk about leaving my small town of Dover Plains, NY. “I can’t wait to get the hell out of Dover,” they’d say. Not me, though. I always wanted to stay. I never had big dreams, but I knew I wanted to remain where I’d been born and raised and build something for myself in that little town. I went away to college 5 hours away, moved out of the area to live with a girlfriend, and even took a job working on the road, but I always returned. I came to grips with the reality that my role was to watch others leave. I said goodbye to Jim as he headed off to college, watched Clayton move away to Texas, and saw my sister leave for New York City. Most recently I said goodbye to my children as they moved south with their mother. Now it’s my turn to pack up and move. Before I do, though, there’s much to say.
The idea of my children moving away has been floated for some time, with varying degrees of seriousness. Years ago while their mother and I were still together, she would express her desire to move south. Those conversations always ended with me showing zero interest and not long after, they’d fade. That all changed over the last few months, as moving away became a reality for them. Very slowly I came to grips with this and had to decide what I’d do about it. I’ve been there for my children always, regardless of my relationship with their mother. Through cheerleading, football and baseball games, birthdays, and Christmas, they’ve had both parents their entire lives. I don’t express often how lucky I am as a single father to be so involved in their lives, especially when I see other single fathers who aren’t nearly as fortunate. After meeting with a lawyer multiple times and going over my options, I decided to give up any thought of a struggle and do what those closest to me would find unimaginable: move south myself. Life is full of decisions, some difficult, some simple. We’ve all had to make them. Some you make in the blink of an eye and some cause you hardship. You search your soul, lose sleep, and in the end hope to rest on a choice with the most favorable outcome. Above all, you do the best you can and with a little luck, life just falls into place.
Leaving the northeast is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make for sure. Everything I’ve ever done I’ve accomplished here. All of my best moments and all of my worst. I learned to love and learned how to deal with heartbreak. It’s where I became a father. It’s where I lost my hero. It’s where I graduated school and opened two businesses. It’s where I met the love of my life and where I lost her, too. Every pitch I’ve thrown, touchdown I’ve caught, mile I’ve ran, goal I’ve scored, and basket I’ve made has been here. Every laugh, every smile, every tear, every hug, and every bit of pain occurred here. Thirty-one plus years of triumph and letdown has all lead to this moment for me.
It goes without saying that I don’t get to this moment alone. The person I am today has been molded by the families who have helped me along the way, and for them I’m eternally thankful. From opening your homes to me and including me in your family holidays to making me feel like I was part of something special or helping lead me on his journey through life, I can’t repay you for what you’ve given me but I want you all to know I’m better for having been given your time along with so many memories I’ll keep forever. To the Jacksons, the Schreyers, the Duckworths, the Holmes’, the Brooks’, the Monteros, the Penneys, the Winters’, the Travis’, the Neckles’, the Hunts, the Whitneys, the Kaplans, the Rodriguez’, the Vingoes, the Marsellas, and the Edholms: my life is better because of you. Thanks for everything.
It wouldn’t be a going away story without all the things I’ll miss, and no doubt it’s a list too long for words. I’ll miss the Cumbies trips for coffee with my brother Matt at all hours of the day and night. I’ll miss standing on a baseball mound trying to lead my team to victory. I’ll miss battling with my brother Ray to see who could pull our debit cards out quicker to pay for meals, because we’d be damned if we let anyone else pay. I’ll miss driving down the backroads on which I grew up when I had a bad day, letting my thoughts bounce around the car as music played. I’ll miss the smell of coffee in every shop during the colder seasons. I’ll miss tea with Jessie as our children played. I’ll miss Kent Coffee & Chocolate where Sarah always made my “usual” just perfectly. I’ll miss driving by all of the homes I’ve worked on and thinking about how far I’d come in life and career. I’ll miss the wildlife, the outdoors, and the familiar faces of business owners I grew so close to. I’ll miss the streets I’d walk up and down as a child, taking me to that day’s adventure. Damnit I’ll even miss the cold and the snow, because without it I couldn’t truly appreciate the warm months. And so much more.
To Jim: If I had the blueprint for what a true friend embodies, I imagine it would look a lot like you. For the nearly 20 years I’ve known you, your support has been nothing but consistent. Whenever I’ve needed guidance in life I’ve sought your opinion and I’ve always been given an honest and thoughtful answer, not always one I wanted to hear. I always treasured that ability to be straightforward and honest. You could fill a book with our list of memories and I look back on them always. Know that I root for you always and support you in all that you do. The distance between us may be growing, but know that I’m never too far away.
To Clayton: Without you and your family, perhaps I never get to return to Dover for my senior year of high school. Maybe I get stuck moving away with my parents and graduate somewhere else. Being able to complete school where I started it has always mattered greatly to me, and I’m thankful you guys gave me that chance. Also my friend for nearly 20 years, you’ve been my sounding board for everything I’ve gone through, offering me advice every step of the way. Even now, as I transition into this next phase of my life, you and Claudia have given me the foundation to start over and build something new, a gift I can’t begin to express my gratitude for. I thought when you moved to Texas all those years ago it meant I’d see you sparingly, even though we spoke on the phone almost daily. Who knew I wouldn’t be too far behind you.
Finally, to my siblings: Our upbringing was short on parenting, but thanks to our grandmother and our bond with each other, there was no lack of love and support. I didn’t get the choice to be a big brother to you three, but it was always my choice to be the best one I could be. I try always to support the three of you in all that you do. We’ve all had our ups and downs, but I’ve been there through it all. I often try to lead by example and while I’m no expert on life, I hope some of what I’ve gone through or experienced has provided something to lean on. I’ve never complained about the opportunities I haven’t been given, instead I tried to make the most of the ones I was lucky enough to be presented with. I’ve always tried to express how supporting those closest to you is what matters most.
I thought I was setting the bar when I was the first child to go to college and then Megan came along and shattered the accomplishments I’d set and became the most educated of the four of us. I still remember the drives to and from New Paltz, happy to be a small part in your journey through college. Though six years apart, I never felt I was talking to someone so much younger. Your maturity and awareness has always shined through and I’m so very proud of the woman you’ve become.
Twice in my life I’ve received an early morning phone call telling me my brother Ray was in the hospital after a car related injury and twice I found myself speeding to the hospital in my truck thinking maybe the worst could happen. Thankfully life had other plans and everything is alright now, but I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d lost him. He’s the most adventurous out of all of us and sometimes not without a close call or two. He’s the reason I drink coffee and the reason I met Landon and Savannah’s mom. He’s my first call when I have any car related question because he’s forgotten more than I’ll ever know about the topic. Above all else he’s been there for me always, never too far away and always helping in a moments notice, not just for me but others as well. The definition of hard working, he’d still find time to help out a friend into the early morning and go to work with little to no sleep. I’ve always seen myself as hard working and I appreciate it more in him.
I remember visiting my brother Matt on his birthday one year as he was in jail for a short time and telling him life would be better. I look at him now and I couldn’t be happier at the man he’s become. A sponge for learning, he’s always willing to do whatever it takes to educate himself. From reading to listening and getting hands on with his work, it reminds me of how I approached the construction industry when I first delved into it. Now having his own company to manage, I hope for his continued growth. I can’t count the times we’ve gone for a walk for coffee, from summer nights to freezing cold winter ones, talking about life, our pursuits, and where we went wrong. I’m happy we’ve been able to be so close these last few years, living together and leaning on our bond to get through. Matt’s story is his to tell but I’ll say this: I’ve never seen a greater personal comeback than the one he has accomplished. I’ll be his number one fan always.
As I leave on this journey I do so with so many memories, moments, and relationships I’ll value always. I look forward to the challenges and life ahead and I’ll look back on my time in the northeast every day I’m sure. I’m committing to giving this move a one year trial before I decide if it’ll be permanent or not. In that time I’ll get myself established, explore the history of my new location, and find new places to fish and hike. My scenery will change but who I am will not. Deep down I’ll still be that young boy clinging to his small hometown.
My daughter Savannah always asks me why I tell everyone I’ll “see them later” when I part ways instead of saying “goodbye.” I try to explain to her that it’s just how I’ve always spoken. “Goodbye” has a more rigid form of closure to it, “see you later” is more a tone of expectance. Nothing is different about this departure either.
It’s see you later, northeast.
Within Me 